By Health & Wellness Editor Kathy Whelan
With shorter days now and the holidays fast approaching, it’s easy to feel pressed for time as we try to get done all we want and need to do. I remind myself (again and again) around this time each year that I can’t do everything. The questions are always what I’ll do and how much, what I won’t do, and how I’ll feel about it.
This applies to my daily health practices. My commitment to health and wellness is unwavering year in and year out. But sometimes life gets in the way. It’s what 18th century Scottish poet Robert Burns had in mind in observing that the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Although my commitment is steady, the way it presents in my day-to-day life has to change sometimes.
Accepting this isn’t easy as I watch my free weights gather dust. And it may feel the same for you in whatever area of whole health you have been working on. Assuming I’m not the only one who struggles when personal health practices unravel during challenging times, I’ll share some messages I plan to give myself this year:
1. My frustration and disappointment show the strength of my commitment. If I were less committed, I would simply make excuses, shrug my shoulders and move on.
2. Flexibility is durability. Like a tree trunk that bends in a stiff wind without breaking, being able to adapt my routines to changing circumstances will keep me from being toppled. Elastic Habits author Stephen Guise calls flexibility a “superpower.”
3. It’s a lifestyle I’m seeking, not a quick fix. Taking a longer-term view will help relieve some of the day-to-day pressure.
4. Showing up in a small way is better than not showing up at all. If I don’t have 15 minutes to meditate, I can do 5. If a long walk is impossible, I can walk around during a 15-minute phone call. Consistency is the key, so I shouldn’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
5. Showing up in a different way is fine, too. I will listen to how my body feels. If I’m feeling tight or achy, I can trade a strength training day for a stretching day. It’s better than missing a day because it keeps alive the habit of moving my body.
6. Don’t get overwhelmed. When too many things are going on, I need to ask myself what I should remove from my day before asking what I should include. (Thank you, James Clear).
7. Allow enjoyment. My commitment to my long-term goals is important, and so is having fun. To honor both values, I should practice self-control by not automatically succumbing to temptation. With more dinners out during the holidays, I can instead be deliberate, previewing menus, deciding in advance how often to have dessert and being mindful of portion size when I indulge in holiday foods. Being generally healthy, I can do this and view exceptions to what I normally eat as “treating” instead of “cheating,” which sounds shameful.
8. Self-awareness is key. I need to be honest with myself about what motivates my choices. Am I using the situation as an excuse or am I doing as much I can? Scaling back up to my best practices whenever possible will prove my integrity.
9. Have self-compassion. Instead of engaging in negative self-talk, criticizing myself for not doing better, I should take a gentler attitude and remember I am doing my best under the circumstances.
10. This approach builds resilience. By adapting my behavior and learning to accept the results, I will gain confidence in my ability to deal with adversity and uncertainty in any area of my life.
As each day ends, I will consider the choices I’ve made, feel good about what worked and learn from what didn’t. Setting aside perfection, I will acknowledge having done a respectable job and coach myself to be satisfied with that.
A flexible mindset – not just at holiday time but always – is, I have come to believe, a key to durable habits. If your good habits are relatively new – if you are not yet at the maintenance stage of habit change – they will still be somewhat fragile. In that case, it’s especially important to return to normal routines as soon as possible so that your deviations don’t become a new habit. To do this, remember all your reasons for adopting new habits and all the progress you made before life got in the way.
Kathy Whelan left a successful Wall Street legal career when her doctor warned that her lifestyle of overwork and lack of self-care were not sustainable. She had always been interested in the relationship between lifestyle and health, so eventually Kathy returned to her undergraduate alma mater Duke University to become a certified Integrative Health Coach, with additional training in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. Integrative Health Coaching is based in the neuroscience of behavioral change. Kathy calls it the missing link in addressing individual and national health crises. It’s the foundation of her unique health and wellness coaching for corporate and individual clients. Kathy’s work has been featured in media including The Boston Globe. Learn more at www.whelanwellness.com