by Guest Editor Marjorie Turner Hollman
The older I get, the more people join this club of which I am a member. It’s an unofficial organization. Well, organization as a description may be putting too fine a point on it. There is no board and no president, or vice president. No one writes down any minutes of the meetings. We don’t need a treasurer because we charge no dues—ever.
This group is self-selected. Age poses no barrier but it seems to increase the likelihood you will qualify for membership. You may have already been sponsored by another member, urging you to join the club. You may already be a member, but did your membership card may have been misplaced. You might recognize yourself in my own story, or not. If you missed the formal invitation, consider yourself welcome. (This is an excerpt from My Liturgy of Easy Walks; Reclaiming Hope in a World Turned Upside Down.)
Throughout the early years of my recovery from brain surgery, resulting paralysis and partial recovery, my path felt less than smooth, my future unclear. I have been blessed with a number of what I call “friends of the heart,” who have remained close, regardless of distance and life events that have sometimes kept us physically apart.
A number of my friends and I have chronic conditions, rather varied in their symptoms yet similar in how these conditions impact our everyday lives. We often feel an otherness that sets us apart. Most of us were already friends before we acquired our chronic conditions. We have the advantage of sharing many interests, and we feel a strong sense of “you know what I’m trying to say,” when we converse. Conversations often take place over the phone. Our fellowship is widespread and time for personal visits is difficult to arrange in lives stressed by getting through daily life.
Our dark humor and the ability to laugh at difficult situations we find ourselves in has become a strong tie that binds us. Our laughter is based on a mutual understanding of the absurdities of life and its tenuousness. The joy I feel after a phone call with one of my “chronic friends” is deep and heartfelt.
We are less wary of complaining to one another than with most others, knowing that whining and complaining wears on people’s patience. When someone says to me, “Why complain? It never does any good,” my response is often, “I always feel better when I complain.” This often provokes laughter, which is my intent.
I choose my complainees carefully, knowing that not everyone is interested or able to listen to details of what at times can seem intractable and unbearable. Even in the midst of what may seem like impossible circumstances, life goes on, and can even offer some amusement along the way.
Do we rejoice in our tribulations? No. Each small triumph, accomplishment, positive happening, or improvement is greeted with joy. We strive to show a willingness to commiserate when life feels hard, and an eagerness to rejoice when something good happens, whatever that good thing is.
Must you have a chronic condition to join this club? No, since in the big scheme of things, life itself is filled with uncertainty and adventures that none of us, being able to look into the future, would greet with open arms. Membership does require an ability to listen well, laugh, and see that we’re in this boat together. The time we’ve been given in this world is short.
Anyone can become a member. It’s your choice. Life is chronic, and temporary, a paradox that should keep us laughing until we encounter something else to cry about. When tears are called for, they’re allowed to flow. So join the club. You’ll find some good company.
(That’s my friend Ellen on your right.)
You can find Marjorie’s newest book here
Marjorie Turner Hollman is a freelance writer and editor who loves the outdoors, and is the author of the Easy Walks guide book series. Her latest book, My Liturgy of Easy Walks: Reclaiming Hope in a World Turned Upside Down, is a memoir, with meditations on learning to live with a changed life. A native Floridian, Marjorie came north for college and snow! She has appeared on Boston’s WCVB Channel 5 TV news magazine show Chronicle, WBZ Channel 4, the Boston Globe, local radio and cable TV shows, and been published in local, regional, and national publications. www.marjorieturner.com